Disorder

Good morning. My stomach has woken up and has decided to clean himself, maybe inspired by the dustmen there outside cleaning the rests of the carnival.
Bathroom. I go once, twice, a third time and a fourth time. I like to count, I count the time It took from the party spot to my place: "Let's use my chronometer Laura, I'll hurry up, I just need warm socks and put my phone to charge". 13'49''. Ups,  It took a bit longer.
39'12''. Run from last morning. 3.5 Km per way. 7 km of route which I after analyze in google maps. 5,57 minutes per kilometer, 10,77 km per hour, roughly.
I like to count. It's making something yours, it's like stealing with Picardy. It's also kind of taking a picture, but capturing time not space. Just another dimension.

But counting is a sign of lack confidence as well. It's a need to be attached to something, to time in this case. No. Let's talk about disorder now. Disorder or chaos? Well, chaos is a nicer word, but "chaos" doesn't inspire me that much. It's quite a simple, clean, and consequently ordered word. It can't come to failure, ever, it's absolute, always true. Whereas disorder, at least it confuses me a bit more. And it has a good character as a starting point, look, it's fighting against something, dis-. She doesn't like you (yes, she's a girl haha).

Sometimes we have just to be spontaneous, it works better. I need to write now in spanish, el desorden es una palabra demasiado fuerte para pensarla en otro idioma.

Desorden. Objetos volando. Me inpira a viento huracanado y cosas con vida propia. A negro. A correr sin fijarse demasiado en el paso y dejar todo patas arriba. Vale, no es la palabra que buscaba en realidad. Paro.

I was writing inspired by a feeling I'm not able to describe with a single word. I've seen disorder is not the right one, it scares me. And well, I'm not inspired any more. I'm thinking about Anna Gasser now, she's from here, from Villach you know? I'm curious, I want to see a round from her. Pause.
...

Ok. Wow. I'm stocked by the sound of the snowboarding edge cutting the kicker, I have goose bumps. And stomp it! I faithfully reproduce this feeling in my head: myself in the kicker in Nassfeld: around 4:30 pm, I head the kicker and think "oh my god, look at the sunset". Then a bit of air and stomp it! Of course it's not a 20m kicker, but the feeling is pretty ok for me still :) Thanks Christi for filming. I can't wait to watch the videos!

I had a conversation with my room mate: "how can you live like this Pili?, like deciding in the last 5 minutes always?"

Yes, this is the "disorder" I was thinking of. Maybe now I see it a bit more clear. It's not disorder, it's just switching. Cause I don't have the feeling that anything belongs to me (i.e. I don't own anything) and I don't want to belong to anything either. I just want to experience, try, get a bit of this, a bit of that. And if someone says  to me "come and see" , I'll come with him, without caring about the past, about whether I had something planned before.  That' s what drives people crazy around me, and I kow it. Sorry Ibai.

Weekend summary:
- Friday snowboard. One of the best days of my season for the moment. I learnt good fs 3 indie stylish, cab 180 and good feelings in the air.
- Saturday I couldn't ride, anyone up there in the mountain. So shitty not to have a car...But I went running, which definitely I missed it, I dressed as an aviator and I partied. So funny hahah I love carnivals.
- Sunday. I don't know, we will see. Verona, not yet. Maybe skating.